by Sarah McGirr | 11 Apr, 2020 | Uncategorized
Here we are a few weeks into a strange new normal, that is nowhere near our old normal ever was.
The world has been shut down before our eyes and we have found ourselves powerless to do anything about it. Shut down due to an unseen, yet tragically fatal, force.
So, what do we do now? Some of you may have been adjusting to pottering about, catching up with things that were staring at you, waiting to be done. Some of you may have still chosen to ignore those old unfinished tasks, ahem, gleefully. But either way, we are all still in lockdown, whilst still being eternally grateful to those key workers literally risking their own lives to keep the world fed, watered and functioning.
For many, it had been a time for reflection, whilst for others, there has been too much time to damn well reflect on. So, how best to cope in these strange times?
I was recently listening to a talk by a former uncharged prisoner who had been held in isolation for many years. He shared some really valuable advice with his audience. Some of which may seem blindingly obvious, but in their nature, that is why they were so valuable. I’ll share a few with you here.
First and foremost is routine. Having a routine is fundamental, as it gives structure to the day. It doesn’t have to be rigid, not something to guilt trip yourself over, or pressurise yourself to stick with, but something that gives you a framework in which to peg parts of your day onto. This has certainly worked for me so far.
This doesn’t have to be about fitting in a multitude of online language classes for you and piling on limitless activities for the kids, who were sent home from school with lists of passwords for their seemingly endless online classrooms. It is about having a loose idea of what part of the day you will do something and when. You don’t need to be fluent in a Mongolian dialect by the end of lockdown just to prove to yourself that you are able to keep your brain going.
Along with routine, comes sleep. Just because the sofa is there, it doesn’t have to be sat on, or laid down on, for a possible 16 hour stint. I may be exaggerating to highlight a point, but nonetheless, it’s not a good idea to be semi-attached to piece of furniture really, is it? Some things go beyond comfort at a point!
Keeping a bedtime that isn’t too far off a normal time is pretty good going, as it will keep your sleeping pattern regular, which helps stave off anything that vaguely starts to look like depression.
Secondly, and again without the pressure, comes exercise. Bearing in mind this former prisoner was in solitary confinement during part of his prison stay, he used exercise to keep himself fit, and as sane as he could. Obviously, it doesn’t have to be hi tech. He said he did star jumps, press ups etc. Light exercise in whatever space you have is fine. Little and often daily during lockdown is better than losing your life to Netflix and shifting from one end of the sofa to the other accompanied by the quarantine snacks are oddly disappearing at a quick pace.
And when it comes to parenting, cut yourself some slack. This lockdown business looks like it’s here for a while yet, so don’t expect to be the same smiley school run parent. There are no clubs to ferry the kids off to and keep them out of sight for a while. Extra bodies are in the house, big and small, and it is how we deal with them that keep us sane, and yes that’ll feature a bit extra screen time, ahem, maybe a couple more hours here and there.
Another useful tip that was shared was when it comes to the kitchen…yep, another potential area, literally, of conflict, especially as it has the food in it! His advice was for ONE person to be in the kitchen at a time. Crikey, talk about effective, and doesn’t it make sense? Just one person, imagine, that’s almost luxurious when you consider how many people are likely to be indoors at the moment.
And all those books you intend to read during lockdown? Read what you feel like when you feel like it. Again, not another area for guilt tripping. Lockdown doesn’t have become a reading marathon, unless of course you want it to(!) Oh, and only start writing that book if you want to. You really don’t have to complete that trilogy ready for the book deal come Autumn either!
All in all, we can sort of keep sane, well, a “lockdown sane” AKA survival, by looking at the small wins in the day and having a loose routine. You don’t have to have highly ambitious expectations of what you will learn, don’t push yourself too hard, don’t expect your kids to have become little professors by September, don’t expect your spouse to have redecorated the house or given the garden a makeover, don’t expect to become a master baker over the summer, nor clear out the garage, wardrobe or whatever other space you use a dumping ground. If it gets done as a by product of the lockdown, that’s all well and good, but don’t put additional pressure on yourself if you come out the other side of this with stuff in the house still looking at you waiting to be done. That’s life, there will always be something that needs to be done. Unless it’s urgent, don’t use it as a lockdown tool to batter yourself with.
Keep it simple and stay safe. Walk away when the kids are bickering – they can sort things out themselves, don’t expect the house to be spotless just because there are more people at home to tidy. That is precisely why the place is not spotless!
Allow this time for you to hear how compassionate your heart really is. Do a good deed here and there where you can and feel the love in your heart for those who are facing far harder times than us just wondering why the quarantine snacks are running low.
We are all in this together.
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by Sarah McGirr | 16 Mar, 2020 | Uncategorized
In times of uncertainty, and now more so than ever as we are living in an unprecedented time, it could be easy to go off and do what makes us happy, shopping!
And in these challenging times, shopping, especially online shopping, can be all too alluring. However, in the long run, this spending can cost us more than the financial transaction.
Speaking to the Sunday Times about her attitude to spending and saving, Trinny Woodall, 56, London based TV presenter and founder of make-up and lifestyle brand TrinnyLondon, explained, ‘When I was spending wildly in my late twenties, I went to Liberty and got a store card that charged something like 28 per cent…I bought 100 pairs of tights that year and my debt turned from £800 into more than £4,000 because of the interest.’
She told the Sunday Times, that shopping ‘makes me happy’. This comes as no surprise as the ‘happiness hormone’, dopamine, is triggered when we get a reward. In this case Trinny’s tight splurges were triggering her dopamine. However, that feel good factor was soon overshadowed by the interest added on to the initial spending.
Trinny went on to explain that she developed better habits and stopped relying on material goods to make her happy. ‘There have been times in my life where I went to Debtors Anonymous, which is not just for people who are broke all the time but also for those who don’t know how to manage money – apparently it’s very common for workaholics like me.’
‘I was kidding myself that I knew what I was spending, but I had frivolous money leaks everywhere: iTunes was a big black hole.’
Seeking assistance looks like it paid off for Trinny as it helped her discover her ‘money leaks’. What’s a money leak I hear you ask?
Money leaks fall into a couple of categories. Firstly, is when you are spending or overspending in a particular category when you know the purchases or items are not completely necessary. Think takeaways(!)
Secondly, are all those contactless or cash transactions you simply don’t keep track of. Think of all that contactless ‘tapping’ that goes on, when out and about, along with those mysterious ATM withdrawals, after which the cash seems to disappears into thin air!
After some challenging financial years, it now looks like Trinny’s financial wellbeing has stabilised. She told the Sunday Times, she currently has no outstanding loans for the first time in her life and has some savings in the bank. She added that debt is an ’emotionally traumatic place’.
This ‘traumatic place’, can incorporate feelings of guilt, shame, secrecy and powerlessness around money. These feelings can lead us to isolate emotionally, act as if everything is okay whilst quietly sticking our head in the sand, or even finding ourselves lending out money when we really can’t afford to because we feel we can’t say no, as well as so many other emotions and behaviours.
It is all too easy to underestimate the impact being in debt has on one’s mental wellbeing and relationship with self, as well as the spending we just can’t seem to keep track off, regardless of it being debt or not.
Understanding behaviour around money and money mindset is the first area I work on with clients in my coaching. My work helps clients develop an authentic relationship with self from which they are able to release the guilt, shame and secrecy from their relationship with money. Once they gain a more insightful understanding of why they behave the way they do around money, fundamental shifts take place and always for the better!
Find out more here.
by Sarah McGirr | 31 Jan, 2020 | Uncategorized
The relationship between money and women can be a complex one. Women often put themselves further and further down the list, especially when you have loved ones depending on you. You make sacrifices, willingly and not so willingly for the sake of others, be it for the greater good of your family, colleagues or others in your lives.
Amongst those sacrifices are financial sacrifices, namely, taking time out of the workplace for family commitments, which can mean years of running a household on a reduced income. Or opting to working part-time to fit in around family life, thereby working on a smaller budget and this can include taking on lesser paid work than in a previous position. Thereby entering into the cycle of under earning, under charging, over delivering, thinking what you are making per hour is what you are actually worth in terms of the service you provide. It is also not uncommon to find women offering discounts on their work or not following up on invoices for outstanding payments. In 2019, the Independent newspaper reported that UK government figures showed that almost eight in 10 companies still paid men more than women with more than a quarter paying female employees up to 20 per cent less. Read more here
But by continuing this cycle of under earning and under charging it simply means you are surviving, perpetually feeling financially stretched and that there will never be enough financially. All this comes from not standing in your power and not claiming your worth. It is all too easy to forget that you have the ability and strength to ask for more from this life. You do not need to settle here, just because you think you ought to, thinking your circumstances won’t change for you to make more money.
However, you do have the ability to change this. You can change the story you tell yourself about how you make, keep and spend your money. Once you start off on the track of changing your self-belief and seeing yourself as capable rather than compromising and making yourself smaller, things do begin to change. After all, Rome was not built in a day.
I can help you get on track and help you understand your past behaviour when it comes to your spending and saving. No more looking at your bank balance through your fingers! And once you get a much deeper understanding of your behaviour around money, you will be thriving rather than just surviving.
Contact me here for an informal chat to see how you can start making these changes today!
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by Sarah McGirr | 20 Jan, 2020 | Uncategorized
When it comes to money blocks, we face a myriad of challenges. Once you have taken my money archetype assessment, you will discover your own personal money DNA that is unique to you and shines a light on how you behave around money.
You may not recognise it as a money block, but if you find yourself constantly striving for perfection in so many of your ventures and personal life and feel like you are letting yourself, and those around you, down if you don’t achieve this, then this is a money block right here.
This desire for perfectionism can fuel a perpetual cycle of overworking and over-delivering when it comes to work and your business life, which in turn causes an exhausting nose-to-tail existence of keeping your fingers in many pies. Starting up new businesses, leading projects, completing one project and jumping straight in to the next one without giving yourself time to think.
You find yourself in positions at work or business where you feel you daren’t even allow yourself to slow down as you have set such high expectations for yourself, or you are striving to reach others’ expectations of you and haven’t got time to breathe and slow down, so you pursue your targets relentlessly nonetheless.
But perfectionism doesn’t have to be a dirty word or something to guilt trip yourself about. It doesn’t have to cause burn out, it can be intuitively channelled to effectively fire up new projects, lead without exhaustion and successfully accomplish targets – once you know how.
Let’s connect here and find out how you can step out of overwhelm, burn out and balance out the constant chase for perfectionism.
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by Sarah McGirr | 28 Nov, 2019 | Uncategorized
When it comes to money, the more we understand about ourselves, the more we understand how we behave around money. An important part of this understanding is recognising our money blocks, but obviously, we before we recognise them, we need to know what they are in the first place. A money block is a belief that holds you back from making the money you want and you may be surprised at how common place they are. We all have money blocks at some level or another. It is a belief originating from our subconscious mind, most likely formed as a result of beliefs we have picked up, and often well practised, over the years. It could be from our environment, our peers or our experiences to date. It can be such a well honed belief, that we don’t even know it’s there, hence it being subconscious. As the main purpose of your subconscious mind is to keep you protected from perceived harm, these money blocks have probably served you well up until now. From this angle, it has been doing its job very well, but it gets to a point where you feel conflicted, as you know you want more out of life, but feel stuck at a certain level. So, by working through and releasing money blocks, you can start exploring your potential and break through self imposed boundaries your money blocks kept you within. Money blocks are not usually lone creatures, there is often a cluster of them lurking in the background. Through my work with clients, one money block that frequently surfaces is that a client believes they aren’t making enough money because of an external factor, i.e. the economy isn’t great or they aren’t able to take on overtime and so the list goes on. However, as harsh as it may sound, these money blocks are actually excuses, beliefs they tell themselves, and others, to justify their glass ceiling (at whatever level) when it comes to money. The external factors are likely to be genuine, but when a client allows that belief to control what they earn, that’s a money block right there. It is interesting to note here that word excuse derives from the Latin word, excūsāre, to free from a charge, in other words, free from responsibility. So, how do I get rid of these money blocks I hear you cry? You can work through each belief by challenging them one by one. A commonly held belief is that if you make more money than you do now, it would change who you are and you’d worry about how your loved ones would respond and you could feel like the odd one out. This can cause an inner conflict as there may be the desire to make more money, but you keep yourself at your current level in order not to draw attention to yourself to avoid being called materialistic, greedy or too big for your boots etc. But you are not only holding yourself back in a financial sense, you are putting a block on generally expanding and exploring your potential. However, money is a great enabler and having money magnifies the essence of who you are. If you are by nature a charitable person, then having more money would allow you to donate more to your favourite charities. Or if you are concerned about the cost of your children’s education, then making more money would mean you could put more money away for that. The good news is that it’s not that difficult to shift money blocks, but the bad news, well, more like ‘be warned’ news is that they’ll continue to pop up, but you’ll be more in tune with them and recognise them for what they are, excuses. You’ll be able to spot them more easily and work through them faster each time. You’ll find that you often have a repertoire of money blocks that you have been running for quite some time. It could well be that they’ve probably become familiar companions. Some are a bit more stubborn to shift than others, but that doesn’t mean to say they can’t be shifted. Keep questioning each one as it comes up. Ask yourself:
- How is this serving me?
- What is it keeping me ‘safe’ from?
- What do I think I’m scared of doing, and why?
You may worry that you are opening up a can of worms here, but fear not! You are feeling and responding to the calling of exploring your potential, by recognising and releasing your money blocks. You are freeing yourself from self-imposed restrictions you have put in place and discovering that you can trust yourself to take risks and explore new territory. It’s time to go and have fun with your potential!
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by Sarah McGirr | 11 Nov, 2019 | Uncategorized
Sometimes it can feel like the Grand Canyon is between you and those who you perceive to be oozing with self belief and confidence and wonder how the heck they got there. As a coach, I help my clients to have more self belief and this is how I do it.
I’d like to invite you to play a game for a moment, come with me. Imagine you spent your life wearing glasses with green lenses, your world around you would obviously be seen through those lenses. If you were to switch those glasses and try on a pair with pink lenses, you would obviously see the world through those lenses now. But what about if you didn’t wear either of those glasses and saw the world without the frame of green or pink lenses? You wouldn’t have any filter, just what you see.
Seeing the World Through a Filter
We enter the world without any filter, we see what we see. As we go through life, we become, consciously or subconsciously, conditioned and pick up behaviours, patterns and habits in response to life around us, like wearing those pink or green glasses impact how you would see the world. No two people will see the world exactly the same as their life experiences have been uniquely different. We are influenced by caregivers, peers, acquaintances and our environment and so much more, whether we realise it or not. How many times have you found yourself repeating something you heard an adult say when you were growing up? Sometimes the behaviours and patterns serve us as we go through life, others don’t. Sometimes we grow out of, or drop habits or patterns yet others we still put into practice day in day out, again consciously or subconsciously – despite some of them not supporting us to our fullest potential.
When we look at the world, we see the world through our own filters impacted by past experiences and our responses to them. It may sound simplistic, because it is, but we can find either positive or negative evidence to support how we see the world and ourselves.
We can use this to our advantage. In terms of building self belief and confidence, we can look at past situations where we have been successful. This obviously varies as to what you regard as success. Some examples that may come to mind may feel small, to you, but nonetheless you experienced them. It is easy to overlook, play down or even forget our successes along the way. It doesn’t have to be something that was overly public. Even waking up in the morning is a pretty good win to start with!
Building Self Belief Through Appreciation of Past Successes
Appreciate these wins and you will find that what you appreciate appreciates, it builds up. More examples will come to mind the more you allow yourself to think about them. What this helps you do is to see yourself as a successful person. You know you have been successful in the past and you can continue to do so, no matter what size the wins are. Allow your mind to be expansive and remember and enjoy the feeling of how you felt when you experienced those successes.
What we have done here is to reaffirm that you are successful, at whatever level and it reaffirms that you can continue to be so. You have done it before, you can do it again.
If you begin to doubt that you can sustain this new way of looking at your life, you can be your own cheerleader. You may notice that if some around you are still wearing their negative lenses, their, ahem, well intended opinions won’t have so much impact on you from now on. Have fun with this, allow yourself to enjoy the expansive, emerging version of you. The one who remembers and builds on past successes, the successful you!
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